The five most dreaded words said on a bus

I've been driving for a long time and can tell you not much gets to me anymore. Hit a rabbit? Well, that's too bad. Blow a tire? So what! Get hit by a John Deere tractor? Been there, done that! But there is one thing that makes my guts tighten up in mortal terror; one thing that every bus driver dreads to hear -- especially when they're driving down an old country road in the middle of nowhere; five little words spoken by a frantic little rider usually right in your ear when you least expect it. And those five little words are: "I feel like throwing up!"

Now, teachers have it easy. All they have to do is yell, "Run to the bathroom. Run! Quick! Don't stop for anyone or anything!" And off the little bugger goes, happy to vomit in the toilet or at least in the hall if he doesn't quite make it -- which still is a whole lot better than barfing up last night's chicken wings in front of his friends and neighbors. But on a bus, there's nowhere to run, there's nowhere to hide.

"Mr. Bus Driver, Little Johnny just barfed up some oatmeal right in seat No. 4!" Yep! That can really make a bus driver's day. The only thing we can be thankful for is not being Little Suzie, who just happened to be sitting by Little Johnny, and now has oatmeal chunks all over her brand new dress.

But still, that's a whole lot better than having a rider come up and say into your ear, "I feel like throwing up." Holy Moly, child. Stay in your seat and barf on the floor if you have to. Barf on Little Johnny because he probably deserves it. But please, don't barf on me, and definitely not in my ear!