Goat: The New Four-Letter Word

Goats are sneaky. They can’t be trusted. And that’s why I believe the word “goat” should replace all the offensive four-letter words known to man. Sailors would have a hard time adjusting, but they’d learn.

Replacing all objectionable words and phrases with just one may hint of Big Brother in George Orwell's masterpiece 1984 (a story where words are eliminated and replaced with fewer words), but nobody can deny a "one word for all" policy would indeed be better.

The word “goat” could be used in sentences such as, “What the goat was that?” “It’s time for me to get the goat out of Dodge,” and my personal favorite, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a goat.”

Other examples of goat phraseology would include:

Shut the goat up!
What the goat?
That’s one goatofa story!
You’re one goatofa guy!
God Goat you and the horse you rode in on!
That’s a goating lie!
Holy goat!
Eat goat and die!
Suck my goat!
Kiss my goat!
Bite my goat!
Go goat yourself!
Just shove it up your goat!
He’s full of goat!
That’s a bunch of billy goat!
Don’t give me any goat!
I don’t give a flying goat!
That’s goating stupid!
He’s a goat-hole!
Be a man and grow some goats!

And if George Carlin was still alive today, these would be the seven words you could never say on television:

Goat, goat, goat, goat, goat-sucker, mother-goater, and goats.

See how much simpler profanity would be if we only had to use one word? The goats might not be happy, but who gives a goating goat?


Stu said...

interesting article.

I at one point in my life wanted to stop using profanity, so i tried using a designated word, instead of saying something like "Goat off".
The word?












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