Here's a sample of what I did over summer break. It's called "The Bathrobe Monologues." This is Episode No. 4: Beer.
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Your Bus
Bus No. 6 is a 13-year-old snub-nosed 55-seat International. It doesn’t have much get-up-and-go, but when it’s heading downhill it can go faster than any bus in the fleet. Bus No. 6 has had a hard life. It’s been hit by a tractor with hayforks. That doesn’t happen every day to a bus, and we all hope it never happens again.
Your Route
The route Bus No. 6 takes is not the shortest, but it’s the prettiest. We have 14 stops in the morning, 17 stops in the afternoon, and 3 turnarounds. We are probably the only bus that passes through a cow pasture — complete with cattle guards — as well as a nature preserve full of elk. On any trip we’re bound to see wild hogs, deer, elk, cows, skunks, raccoons, armadillos, hawks, and old ladies taking their morning walk. It’s okay to look at the wildlife. It’s NOT okay to yell at the old ladies.
Your Driver
I’m a cranky old codger who’s been driving a school bus since '92. I don’t have to drive a bus, but I do it because it’s better than hearing my wife snore at 5 in the morning. My name doesn’t really matter, so you can call me Bus Driver or Driver or better yet, Mr. Bus Driver or Mr. Driver. Whatever you do, don’t try to figure out my real name because I’ll give you an assigned seat in the back and you’ll never be heard from again.
Your Rights
You have the right to remain in your seat, keep your voice down, put your trash in the trash can, and get off when it’s your turn. You DON’T have the right to throw things, yell, put any body part out a window, or say bad words. If you choose to disobey any of the above, I’ll look at you through my rear-view mirror and give you the “evil eye.” If that doesn’t do anything, I’ll stop the bus — and you DON’T want me to stop the bus. Enough said? I hope so!
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tracy farr
I do a bit of this, I do a bit of that -- and I have no idea why.
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